Perfect People For Me
Tyler Cowen would rather be online and interact with people perfect for him than prioritize IRL relationships with people who are in the 87th percentile for him. This begs a question: who are the perfect people for me? If I needed to describe who I think I would love to interact with, how would I describe them?
This theoretical exercise feels like rattling off traits for an ideal romantic partner, where it's unlikely this unique compilation of positive traits would be packed into any single person. Regardless, I think the thought experiment precedes any effort to find these people online somehow. I probably need to know what I'm looking for before trying to find it.
My perfect people have a few obvious traits, but more importantly, my perfect people evoke a specific response and temperament in me where I embody most the person I wish to be. When I think back to all my favourite IRL relationships, I'm not a detached observer perusing an art gallery of noteworthy individuals, but a willing tennis match competitor. I am half of the spectacle. I am impressed by what I say and do, and my actions align with what I believe to be my values.
I think my perfect people are enthusiastic doers who value art and believe they are building something that could be categorized as art. They are passionate and easily excited by life. Their humour is quick-witted. Their world is vast and nuanced and well-informed, not necessarily by current events, but by information they have sought themselves through following their curiosities. They have curiosities.
My perfect people are energized by explaining their internal universe to someone else, and feel more connected through that process. They enjoy thinking abstractly and creatively, and they value discovering what is right over feeling right. They value being proven wrong so they can improve.
My perfect people and I share identity, whether through similar cultural experience, shared hobbies and interests, or social role (e.g., husband, management consultant). This allows for worthwhile and cathartic discussion about challenges and how those aspects of our identities have shaped us.
My perfect people make me feel expansive. They make me feel knowledgeable and powerful and cherished. Somehow, it feels like my best traits are augmented in their presence and I am the best version of myself around them.
They make me feel funny.
They make me feel seen and known. They're not cartographers of my territory but they've travelled it enough to know the contours. We acknowledge each other's multifacetedness and we feel permission to be our whole selves at all times - especially the contradictory parts.
I want my writing to help attract these perfect people to me, and for that, I need to allow myself to be known. I need to share those stories about my interests, participate in communities, and lead with vulnerability. To be known, I need to be someone worth knowing.
If anything about my description of perfect people resonated, please reach out! I'd love to hear from you, even if it's just to say hi and add to my growing global constellation of nearly perfect people.